They call her smokey taboo
I got your name tatooed
High like a helium balloon 
Midnight to noon 
I’m a desert child
And mountains make me nauseous

I like to look up wild

At an infinite sky
Twinkling with diamonds
It’s true
I get depressed in fancy hotel rooms
Undressed
With nothing to flaunt but my loneliness
Thinking of the night song of your hair
Premature as evening falls

it calls to me
Interrupted by the sirens in the streets

Crystal Heaven

Somedays 
You’re like an anchor on my heart they say
They say that stolen water tastes sweet 
more like rotten milk and rancid meat to me
I prefers when it is free
Like looking at the stars
Don’t need no fancy cars
When we first
Our kisses sparked
Yeah i’m afraid of sharks
But not the dark

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine…
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

Someone I legitimately know is following this blog. I mean, yes, I have ONE person on here that I choose to share this blog with, but other then that my followers don’t know me in person. However, somehow, this person found my blog and decided to follow it. I know it shouldn’t be a big deal, but it is… this is where I vent. Where I open up… It’s not exactly something that I want people who personally know me to see. My eating disorder is kept secret from everyone… I just hope this doesn’t end mine and this person’s friendship. And I hope they don’t tell a whole bunch of people. That would make this so much harder for me :/

Anonymous asked: FUCK YOU YOU FAT WHORE

Yeah? Say it again. This only fuels me to work out and stay in shape. So please, keep going. Tell me how massively fat I really am.

And she’s super tiny. She’s wearing size 0 pants and heals and a really cute top. I asked her what she’d eaten today and she ignored it. Sigh. That makes two of us who are fasting. The weird thing is; I WANT to get skinny, like… dangerously thin. But so does my mother, and it hurts me to watch her do this to herself. However, I do it too, but I’m utterly fine with it. Maybe I’m just over-reacting. But maybe she feels the same way about me when she asks what I’ve eaten and I don’t reply…
Food for thought I suppose.  

Anonymous asked: Was it scary being there? :/ my parents are sending me away because im a cutter and im really worried about it. :/

There shouldn’t be anything scary about it. Make it fun. Make it worth it. Make friends. I can assure you that the people in those rooms will have more in common with you then you will ever begin to imagine. Just be honest with yourself and others. It should be a good experience for you.

Anonymous asked: have you ever been in any type of mental facility for your disorder?

Yes. I’ve been in and out of them all my life.
When I was 8 I tried to kill myself and I was submitted to West Hills which is a treatment center in Reno, Nv. I was hospitalized in 2010 for being malnourished, and 17lbs underweight, I had to go to an ED center in Pasa Robles, CA for 3 months. And August of last year I was in a place for severe depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, altered eating. That was at Heritage Oaks treatment facility in Sacramento, CA. I’m really grateful that places like this exist.

But I totally love folk music! Music with soul. Music that I can relate to. Acoustic guitar and the sweet melody of a mans voice. Singing with your heart and not a machine. Happy music. That makes me want to get up and move, dance, create, explore, and grow. I love music like this. It keeps me going. It keeps me positive. It keeps me alive. Music is a part of my soul. <3

Happy: Because my parents gave me $300 for my next tattoo.
Sad: Because the # on my scale is the same. 
Depressed: Because I just want to look like the girls in the Magazines.
Hungry: But I won’t eat.
Tired: Because Four puppies had me up ALL night long. (Forgivable <3) 
Excited: For the future.
Scared: Because I can’t see what the future holds.
Lonely: Because I haven’t heard from my man in days :/